The Splendid Seven vs Ulrich and his Muscle Goons

This first version of the death battle meme template belongs to Death-Driver-5000 and it is dedicated to those who find the idea of seven powerful Yokai martial artists such as Sesshoumaru, Shuran, Inuyasha, Hakkaku, Ginta, Ayame, and Shunran being involved in a martial arts tournament against Ulrich Wernerstein and his bodybuilder goons. Sit back, relax, and revel in the carnage that is about to unfold.

Imagine transporting yourselves back to December 12, 2004, which was when “The Incredible Bulk” initially aired on Cartoon Network USA, and found yourselves as part of the audience in what martial arts history books argue is one of the most viscerally exciting martial arts tournaments to be hosted. The tournament in question is The Splendid Seven consisting of 23-year-old mixed martial artist Sesshoumaru, 22-year-old professional wrestler Shuran, 22-year-old Pankratiast Inuyasha, 21-year-old Muay Boran fighter Hakkaku, 21-year-old Lethwei combatant Ginta, 19-year-old Kyuk Too Ki prizefighter Ayame, and 18-year-old Shaolin Kung Fu specialist Shunran versus 45-year-old former bodybuilder Ulrich Wernerstein and his four toweringly muscled bodybuilder goons.

The venue is the Wernerstein Mansion atop the Austrian Alps, with the main tournament being in a factory setting where Bulky Bars are being produced. You are seated alongside 17-year-old WOOHP agent Alex, who thankfully did not end up eating the Bulky Bars, and her beloved 22-year-old gym instructor/bodybuilder boyfriend Raymond, who was miraculously cured from the Bulky Bars’ devastating effects, as well as Alex’s best friends, 17-year-olds Sam, Clover, and Britney; 33-year-old Cabo bodybuilder Robert Beefcake, and 23-year-old muscle fitness model Chet all in the front row. Other esteemed guests include the Splendid Seven’s best friends for life The Military Squadron Power Rangers consisting of 29-year-old Tommy Oliver the White Tigerzord Ranger, 29-year-old Jason Lee Scott the Black Gold Zeo Ranger, 29-year-old Eric Myers the Red Quantum Ranger, 28-year-old Rocky DeSantos the Blue Zeo Ranger, 27-year-old Adam Park the Green Zeo Ranger, 25-year-old Taylor Earhardt the Yellow Wild Force Ranger, and 24-year-old Jen Scotts the Pink Time Force Ranger as well as the parental figures the Wolf Elder, Toga the Dog General, Olibu, Broly, Raditz, InuKimi, and Izayoi. Even The Splendid Seven’s martial arts mentors are present including T. Hawk, E. Honda, Guile, Sagat, Adon, Nina Williams, and Anna Williams. Moreover, The Splendid Seven’s children have also come to see their parents dishing out serious blows against their opponents. Everybody gathered to witness the unadulterated carnage that was about to unfold between intimidating Yokai martial arts power and muscularly brute bodybuilder strength.

The martial arts tournament between The Splendid Seven and Ulrich along with his bodybuilder goons promises to be an intensely bloody one by virtue of the martial arts each fighter specializes in. The Splendid Seven has a storied history of Yokai martial artists who have shown incredible skills and combat prowess even against bigger opponents. Ulrich Wernerstein and his bodybuilder goons would have to do everything possible to break all seven Yokai martial artists although the chances of doing so will be extremely slight.

23-year-old Sesshoumaru is a Mixed Martial Arts victor with a background in Luta Combate, Luta Livre Esportiva, Japanese Jujutsu, Brazilian Jujitsu, Shootfighting, Shooto, and Pancrase. His icy ruthlessness makes him one of the most dangerously lethal mixed martial artists to have ever been promoted by the UFC, Pride FC, and many other mixed martial arts organizations around the world, and is hailed as a lord high executioner. Lethalness aside, he is also the embodiment of martial arts honor. He is especially renowned for his ground-and-pounds, sprawls-and-brawls, Kimuras, armbars, double leg takedowns, fireman throws, and liver punches.

22-year-old Shuran is a golden-belt-obtaining Professional Wrestling winner with a background in Lucha Libre, Hardcore Wrestling, Mongolian Wrestling, Sumo Wrestling, Turkish Oil Wrestling, Pehlwani, and Mallah-yuddha. What makes Shuran threatening is not only his tremendous size but also the sheer brutality of his radical wrestling moves, which have been the main selling points for WWE and TNA combined. Coupled with his huge size and raucous moves is his large-and-in-charge personality. He mostly specializes in piledrivers, suplex power slams, German suplexes, bearhugs, torture racks, full Nelsons, and sharpshooters.

22-year-old Inuyasha is a Pankration champion with a background in Ancient Greek Wrestling, Ancient Greek Boxing, Judo, Combat Sambo, Kapu Kuialua, Vale Tudo, and Ssireum. His muscular virility has made him renowned in the world’s grandest Olympic arenas, especially in Athens and Sparta, thanks to the beastly force in his blows and chokeholds. Inuyasha’s magnificent muscles are not just meant for show, but they also propel his super strength and make him a powerful warrior. He predominantly capitalizes on his rear naked chokeholds, tracheal grip chokes, double axe handles, hammer fists, neck cranks, ankle locks, and rabbit punches.

21-year-old Hakkaku is a Muay Boran combatant who has the knees, shins, elbows, and head of steel to propel himself against quicker and stronger opponents. What further accelerates Hakkaku as a combatant are his speed, quick reflexes, limber limbs, and total versatility of his strikes from head to instep. Hakkaku’s ferocious limberness not only compels him to keep on fighting well, but he has sufficient passion and tenacity to help him overcome any obstacle he finds himself in. He owns his opponents very well in his upward headbutts, knee bombs, elbow slashes, spinning elbows, knee strikes, elbow strikes, and thrust kicks.

21-year-old Ginta is a Lethwei fighter whose knees, shins, elbows, and head of iron are always there to give his opponents the best beatdown possible regardless of the place or the occasion. What thoroughly defines Ginta as a fighter are his rapid moves, quick dodges, blinding strikes, and relentless reflexes from the top of his head to his toes. Ginta’s rapidness in his moves is not the only defining factor as to what makes him astounding but also his charisma and fairness when he battles his opponents. He thrives superbly with his jumping knees, shin kicks, horizontal elbows, elbow thrusts, clinching headbutts, flying knees, and downward headbutts.

19-year-old Ayame is a Kyuk Too Ki prizefighter with a background in Dutch Kickboxing, Muay Thai, Western Boxing, Japanese Kickboxing, American Kickboxing, Taekwondo, and Hapkido. She possesses furious fists and fleet feet to obliterate her opponents on the inside and on the outside, thus making them realize that they are in a world of pain and pandemonium every time she enters the ring. Her fists and feet are complemented by her strong will and boundless ambition to win. She navigates the ring outstandingly with her uppercuts, jabs, cross punches, hooks, overhand punches, Superman punches, and axe kicks.

18-year-old Shunran is a Shaolin Kung Fu maven who knows how to combine precise acrobatic movements with lethal strikes, deadly focus, and quick reflexes that result in brutal blows wrapped in silk and flower petals. She inhabits Shaolin Kung Fu’s various animals from the crane’s agility to the monkey’s speed to the praying mantis’s accuracy to the snake’s deadliness to the tiger’s brute force when she takes on various fighters. Her combination of grace and brutality cannot be paralleled. She excels amazingly with her leopard blows, nerve strikes, finger strikes, palm strikes, knife hand strikes, spear hand strikes, and butterfly kicks.

45-year-old Ulrich and his four bodybuilder goons are chiefly grapplers and wrestlers who are all about muscle. Ulrich is more flamboyant and louder, but he has his team of brutishly hulking bodybuilder goons consisting of a blond-haired one, a red-haired mohawked one, a bald one, and a green-haired mohawked one. While the four bodybuilder goons have the massively muscular size to crush stronger opponents, they also have to deal with some super-skilled martial artists too. Even Ulrich would not be safe from seven Yokai martial artists armed with radical moves, despite how powerful Ulrich’s and his goons’ grappling and wrestling skills are.

With battle lines drawn, the crowd cheering, and the two groups of combatants ready, the question remains. Who will win?

I hope you enjoy this, and I will see you in the next part of this martial arts tournament death-battle-meme style. Take care, stay safe, and keep on fighting the great fight, everybody.

Sesshoumaru, Shuran, Inuyasha, Hakkaku, Ginta, Ayame, and Shunran from Inuyasha belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Sunrise.

Ulrich Wernerstein and his bodybuilder goons from Totally Spies belong to Vincent Chalvon-Demersay, David Michel, and Marathon Media.