This screenshot demotivational poster is super highly Anti-Miroku, Anti-Sango, and Anti-Shippou, but Pro-MirSan in which I can still feel all right with them as a couple and adopt Shippou as their son just like the family that they are. So, sit in for a spell because I got something to tell about this stupid family.
Have you ever met anyone you cannot stand, despite them saying that their intentions were good. Well, in my case as a blogger, reviewer, artist, media, performing arts, and music aficionado, there was a family I have been encountering for many years who at first I enjoyed, but as the years rolled by, I found more unpleasant facets about them. These three fools consisting of a perverted monk, a weak-minded demon exterminator, and a bratty kitsune have proven themselves to be the worst friends of one hanyou by the name of Inuyasha. What I went through with them is quite akin to a certain girl with blonde curls by the name of Goldilocks. Besides, this poor excuse of a family could give even the Three Bears from the Looney Tunes’ cartoons a run for their money.
Submitted for the approval of The Midnight Society, I call this story…(I throw magic dust in the campfire) The Tale of The Caustic Critic and The Three Dunderheads.
Once upon a time in Feudal Era Japan, there lived a family of three extremely asinine individuals who were well-known for being the worst friends to a powerful dog hanyou Inuyasha who ended up joining forces with his full yokai older brother Sesshoumaru, their beloved wolf yokai warrior wife Ayame and their army of equally beloved children and for being a pathetic posse to a shrewish dumbass in distress Witch Kagome, her ruthless mercenary husband Killer Bankotsu and her rogue wolf yokai husband Karma Houdini Kouga. They were known as the Dunderheads.
Miroku or Daddy Dunderhead was a huge pervert who tried to get away from fondling other women and asking them if they wanted to bear his children should his accursed yet amazing Wind Tunnel consume him, but always ended up being smacked by his wife for even considering such a stupid endeavor.
Sango or Mommy Dunderhead was a strong and agile demon exterminator, but that did not stop her from being easily manipulated by the evil half-demon known as Naraku for making her believe that Inuyasha was the enemy responsible for killing her clan and her younger brother and that she should kill Rin, Sesshoumaru’s, Inuyasha’s, and Ayame’s most beloved adopted daughter as well as always believing that Inuyasha was in the wrong and Kagome was in the right, despite him going through the similar situation Daddy and Mommy Dunderhead went through.
Shippou or Baby Dunderhead was a smart-mouthed, spoiled brat who thought he was a stronger than every one else, but his signature attack Fox Fire has proven time and time again to be ineffective. He always found a way to put Inuyasha in a bad light with his smart tongue and horrid attitude by constantly provoking him. Even though Baby Dunderhead was a kitsune, he gave them quite a bad name for being more of a coward in battle rather than proving himself more useful.
One day, Daddy, Mommy, and Baby Dunderhead were announced by Wicked Witch Kaede that a house needs to be exorcised from demons. It was a pity that Daddy Dunderhead no longer had his Wind Tunnel on hand and had to rely on his sutras and staff to save himself and his family, Mommy Dunderhead still had her Hiraikotsu but did not have a strong willpower on the inside, and Baby Dunderhead had his useless Fox Fire. Nevertheless, they still had to do the job, but it was going to be half-assed.
I stumbled upon Feudal Era Japan and I was quite amazed with all of the sights I witnessed. Despite the carnage, the smell of blood hanging in the air, and all the wars going on, there were some nice areas to be seen such as cherry blossom trees and a whole range of mountains.
I even met up with Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, and Ayame who were having quite a ball with their family including their kids Dai, Roku, Kai, Rin, Shiori, and Shinta. Ayame stated that she has never seen both Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha so happy before and it seemed like life for them and their children has been great. It even got to the point where I had a chat with both Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha where I found out how much happier and more fulfilled they were after they ditched the Dunderhead family because of how futile they turned out to be. Sesshoumaru even said to me that he was grateful that Inuyasha wizened up. Inuyasha even told me all about the crap he went through with the Dunderheads and Witch Kagome due to their unfairness and was even so kind to point me to the Dunderheads’ hut and I happily went my way again.
It was at that moment that I arrived at the Dunderheads’ hut, which was quite well-furnished, though sometimes a happy home may not always mean a happy family.
Given how long my travels were, I was quite famished. I saw three big bowls of ramen each marked with the Kanji sign of who they were in the family and they were all the same size. The purple bowl had the sign of father and monk on there. The hot pink bowl had the sign of mother and demon slayer on there. The aquamarine bowl had the sign of son and kitsune on there. I already had an idea of who they were.
I tried Daddy Dunderhead’s bowl of ramen and it was too bland and flavorless for my taste. For someone who enjoyed hot nights with different women, I was surprised he preferred his ramen really mild almost like his dick.
I then tried Mommy Dunderhead’s bowl of ramen and, while I loved my spicy food, my tongue was burning like a thousand suns. It should come off as no surprise that Mommy Dunderhead was quite the adventurous one.
Finally, I tried Baby Dunderhead’s bowl of ramen and it was just right. It was well-spiced with all of the subtle flavors and it made me astonished that Daddy and Mommy Dunderhead could still manage to whip up something for their son. Therefore, I finished up that ramen as well as finished the other two bowls because there was no point in wasting food.
I was full beyond belief to the point I wanted to have a nice sit down. I tried to sit on Daddy Dunderhead’s cushion but it was almost about to swallow me because of how soft it was. Then came Mommy Dunderhead’s cushion and it was hard as rocks. Finally, Baby Dunderhead’s cushion was just right but it ended up going flat.
I continued to tour around the Dunderheads’ pad and I was quite astonished with what I had to see. Daddy Dunderhead had a huge stack of paintings involving various women most of them a lot younger than him too, which was a sordid collection of his conquests. Mommy Dunderhead had really cool weapons including a katana that bore the mark of her late father almost like what I remembered from Bud’s katana from Kill Bill Volume Two, but she also had a diary which listed a huge amount of terrible deeds she did. Baby Dunderhead had a nice collection of drawings that he did and he seemed to have a vivid imagination, but I just did not like how he was portraying Inuyasha’s and Kagome’s failure of a relationship.
All the touring made me completely knackered and there were some futons in place for the family. When I attempted to sleep on Daddy Dunderhead’s futon, I felt like I was sinking in an ocean. Mommy Dunderhead’s futon was not any better because I felt like I was laying down on nails, acorns, and metal. It was Baby Dunderhead’s futon that was just right for me to rest after a long day.
The Dunderhead Family came home and it seemed like they did a half-assed job with exorcising demons with Mommy Dunderhead doing all the work. They were in utter shock with what occurred.
“Somebody ate our bowls of ramen!” All three Dunderheads shrieked.
“Somebody sat on my futon and it got squashed!” Baby Dunderhead cried.
“Somebody just looked at my secret stash of women’s portrait’s!” Daddy Dunderhead shouted just as Mommy Dunderhead bonked him on the head for his infidelity.
“Somebody went through my weapons gallery and my secret diary!” Mommy Dunderhead exclaimed.
“Look! There is a gentleman sleeping on my futon!” Baby Dunderhead screamed and kicked me in order to wake me up.
I had a rude awakening from the Dunderhead family, as they were circling me like a bunch of ravenous vultures, but I was not scared. I did not want to run away and I just had to stare straight at them right in the eye. They interrogated me on why I trespassed on their place and it was my turn to say my piece.
“Fine, I’ll tell you this.” I started, “Yeah, I crashed your place and what I have seen from each and every one of you is something completely appalling. You are all the worst friends and allies people like Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, and Ayame can ever ask for. You do nothing but pile guilt after guilt on Inuyasha when he himself was going through a lot of turmoil after losing Kikyou and you have the nerve to say that he is two-timing with Witch Kagome. Well, Miroku aka Daddy Dunderhead, what about your escapades with different women? You constantly offer blow jobs and hand jobs just for any of them to produce your kid and be nothing more than breeding mares just to fulfill your lame legacy. Yeah, I enjoy checking out muscular men too, but I don’t go around them asking if I want to marry them so that we can adopt kids just for the sake of making sure that heirs can be produced. And, Sango aka Mommy Dunderhead, there is the whole matter of those dirty deeds you have done from trying to kill Inuyasha to trying to kill Rin all because you were too thick in the head to listen to logic and fell for Naraku’s manipulation hook, line, and sinker. Your weapons and your skills may prove your strength, but you do not have a lot of brain power to listen to reason and think about other options. Oh, and Shippou aka Baby Dunderhead, you think you’re this almighty warrior when your tricks do nothing to bring your allies to victory and was I supposed to laugh? No freaking way! I just rolled my eyes because I know kitsune can be cool because of their craftiness. But you are not crafty, Baby Dunderhead, you are a loser and wuss full stop. By the way, I also got to know Inuyasha before I came here and the reason why he was so antagonistic towards you guys is that you keep guilt-tripping him about how he should treat Witch Kagome when he was still grieving so much. Then there is that matter of you calling him a two-timer. Well, what about you guys, I don’t see you bat an eye out on your extramarital affairs, especially you, Baby Dunderhead and your string of little affairs with different girls. You people could not even restrain Witch Kagome and help her listen to reason because you were too chicken to get on her bad side and she thinks she can get away with it and you also let Killer Kouga get away with murder! Egad, you are all hypocrites! What makes you even more hypocritical is the mere fact that you cannot seem to understand Inuyasha and treat him with as much compassion and warmth which was why he ditched you in the first place to find better treatment and more respect in Sesshoumaru as well as more compassion in Ayame and true friendship in Shuran, Hakkaku, Ginta, and Shunran. I don’t see you jackasses give any compassion to Inuyasha because all you have is nothing more than indifference and you play favorites with Witch Kagome. You wanna be on his good side? Go listen to him more often and apologize! Oh and Mommy Dunderhead, there is the matter that you wanted to stay by Inuyasha’s side as a good friend, but whenever the issue of Kikyou comes up, you choose to go back in a corner and hop on the Inuyasha is a Two-Timer bandwagon. You are truly pathetic and you are crap! All I see within you is double standard piled upon double standard and you do not know when to look in yourselves, do you? But, I can forgive all of these things if you all were not massive hypocrites. That’s what you are! You are all horrible, two-timing, masochistic, cruel, dastardly, bullying HYPOCRITES!”
I closed my long-winded rant with this final statement to the Dunderheads. “See you next time. And thanks for the bleeping ramen and the bleeping accommodations.”
The Dunderhead Family were all left befuddled and hopefully guilty of what they have. My best guess is that they were sorry for being caught. So, I left their hut shaking my head in utter disappointment. Who knew that the Dunderhead Family were much worse than I thought? I kind of underestimated them in terms of how atrocious and disgraceful they were.
And I never bothered to crash in their stinking, crap-hole of a pad anymore. The End.
So, remember, boys and girls. It is always important to stay true to yourselves and know who your true friends are and not end up like the massive hypocrites such as The Dunderhead Family. I declare this meeting of the Midnight Society closed. (I douse a bucket of water on the campfire, as I leave the campsite.)
I hope you all enjoyed my story of The Dunderhead Family because that is what Miroku, Sango, and Shippou were. Huge, hypocritical dunderheads. And you would be such a dunderhead if you dared to think that Kagome was this righteous being and Inuyasha did wrong.
Until then, I will see you in the next submission. Take care and stay safe, everybody.
Miroku, Sango, and Shippou a.k.a. Daddy Dunderhead, Mommy Dunderhead, and Baby Dunderhead belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Sunrise.
P.S. You can even tell that my rant was inspired by Glenn Quagmire’s rant to Brian on the Family Guy episode “Jerome is the New Black” and Rowdy C’s rant to Seth MacFarlane after his review/rant on “Not All Dogs Go To Heaven” during his 2011 Summer Spectacular dissecting three of the worst Family Guy episodes.
